So Unworthy

This is such a sobering feeling to know how God has chosen me to do what i do, to think that, that night when i was totally breaking down inside fighting not to cry because of how much i was hurting God and telling him to "let me do what i gotta do" and then the instance i was just like "God im coming back home" he ran to me with open arms and said welcome home son. Its unfathomable i feel so unworthy

I AM SO UNWORTHY

but through him i can do anything and he loves me and its just such a weird thing to grasp

God you amaze me everyday

New Sense of Responsibility

Well, as you know i have been attending the bible study that Eric has been heading up and things have been going so great. I've gotten to see new people come to Christ, like my good friend Micheal Collins which is so awesome and his girl Roxanne. And recently I've gotten the opportunity within the last week to see this girl Miriah and her friend Bryan come to know the Lord. It has been so awesome.

Though through all of this it has been a weird experience for me because i found myself struggling with the same things as i did before and still in the same old habits that i was into before. Now things have changed. God has blessed me with the new responsibility of Leading and being in charge of the worship part of our group, and i cant tell you how amazing that makes me feel and how much of an impact it has already had on me. Things i did before i cant think of doing now because of this place of responsibility that I'm in, in fact they seem petty and just stupid.

The first night we did worship i was totally un-prepared and caught of guard so i went and just wung it and within the first half hour a young girl walked up and had accepted the Lord. AWESOME!!!! Then the next study we had she shows up with a friend and HE ACCEPTS CHRIST!!!! what a testimony this is that the Lord of all is in control.

if you want to join us we are gonna do it every Saturday night probably sometime between 7 and 8pm call me if you want to come and ill tell you where

The Process

its awesome when a random tune pops up in my head
then i put words to the song according to how i feel and how the song makes me feel, or how the song makes me look at the world around me or inside my own head.

like tonight a tune popped up in my head and i was excited because it has a jazzy bluesy feel to it, but i didn't expect write the blues.

but ill say this, looking deep inside myself i feel like a failure. i guess every song cant be a happy one.

Jet Plane (Happy Song )

So I'm sitting in my place of dwelling a couple nights ago and thinking i feel like writing a song, and just i say that this tune just pops up in my head. At this point I'm just in awe, so instantly i pick up my guitar and start trying to feel out this tune. as my fingers start gently sliding down the strings the melody starts stringing together and this turns out to be that happiest tune that i have ever written. (I cant even really say that this tune is completely mine, like God just gifted this to me.) So i start thinking this needs some lyrics and i don't know what i want to write about yet. As i think to myself about making words it dawns on me when i hear this song i just feel happy, so i decided to write about happy things and this is what i came up with:

Raindrops
for the first time on a babies forehead,
singing songs and melodies of hapiness,
Photoes,
of you and your grandpa while your walkin,
never lose such a memory,


As your life flies by you like a jet plane
please remember its not about the bad days
and for the future always pay attention to the little things

Air is,
Flowing through your fingers
while riding in a car thats going nowhere
The First Kiss,
after the best date you've ever had
leaves its mark upon your lips forever

As your life flies by you like a jet plane
please remember its not about the bad days
and for the future always pay attention to the little things

letting go,
moving forward,
starting over,
getting older,
all these things to come and many things to go
and all the while just seeing it in slow mo-

Now you and me
watching the sunset below the horizon
never felt as sweet as such a memory


So yea that was this little gift that was given to me and i just thought i would share it with you I'm so excited about it. I love you God so much and i thank you so much everyday for the gift of music and the outlet that it gives me.

this is tough

So today has been a tough day, im really troubled. i have serious problems with brandon

Divine Romance

So, Sunday night was amazing. I can't believe i was apart of something so awesome, God really moved in that place. It was actually kinda funny during practice i was sitting around maybe 10 or 15 of my peers who have NEVER heard me sing and were really interested, so i was really nervous and when it came time for me to sing i was thinking about myself doing good instead singing to God. So i started in on the greatests of greats, consuming fire (one of my newhall faves) and it wasn't that bad, but i was still a little self confident and then my voice started cracking and thats when it all started. The next song was Divine Romance and that was the song i have been waiting to do for sooting long and it'll tell you why in a moment, but i started singing that relatively high song and it was SOOO BAD i was embarrassed and nervous and i got of the stage shaking. the night moved and it the real thing was about to happen, and this is where it gets awesome, it came to my turn to lead the next 2 songs and i was like "you know what everyone stop its time to pray. God im sorry for coming in here with my eyes set in a different direction and i want whatever i do to be for you and for you alone no one else is here but me and you." and as i looked into the crowd i saw some confused faces and then some awesome faces. but i went along and sang in my songs and WOW it was amazing i felt God through me.

after the whole thing i was starting to think of my performance again and starting to get bummed and i get on myspace ,and im telling you this is the best compliment ive ever gotten, this girl that was there said to me "you really touched me through your praises and things really clicked.....and you really remind me of john mayer when you sing ;)"

AAAAGGGGHHH!!! that brightened up my night and the next 2 days lol what a glorious night.

any who divine romance was the second song i sang and no one knew it except for me and Andi but i didn't care so i sang the song and the second verse in particular always gets me:

A deep deep flood, an Ocean flows from You
Of deep deep love, yeah it’s filling up the room
Your innocent blood, has washed my guilty life
In Your presence God I’m completely satisfied

it puts into a small way the perspective of how much God's love is and it doesnt even scratch the service but i am so so touched by this song because it illuminates the fact that God's love is more than just the love of a friend, its the love of a father its the love of your lover its the love of everything all for you and i cant wait to sing that song somewhere else.

if you sat and read this entire thing of rambeling your a champ and thanks for caring :D

Making A Come back

Alright, so for the few of you that even know that i have a blogger or come around to check if i ever post anything i have a treat for you. I am coming back full and strong, i have recently been fighting with myself to really stay awake in the spirit but for a little bit i got lulled back to sleep. I' am awake now and im trying my best to stay that way.

Now for the update. For the past 4 months i have been living with my bestfriend Dave and things have been great and everyday is a new adventure. We have grown so much closer as friends and im so excited because of that. Also in this house of men is Brandon Brinson, which has been interesting because me and him clash in some things. But i hand it to him that he really perseveres we have had our little arguments ha.

Just recently infact i have become much better friends with Andi Reynolds, and it has been exciting, this is the most fun i have ever had with someone other than Dave. Even more intense is that we are both starting to study more of the bible together, and we are both pretty stoked about it.

My mom and i have grown much closer as have me and my brother and sister which is way cool because we were all kinda disfunctional but now im so proud to be in my family which is pretty bad that i wasnt before and im sorry about that. All in all things are starting to look great

this week infact im gonna be leading some worship at my church which is intense in itself for me because im completley confident that im going into it with the right heart and im so excited about what God is doing in my life and ill keep you guys updated